Leave the door open

Please, leave the door open, behind you as you leave, for I'm still waiting. Still waiting, but for what, I do not know. You might say it is hope, but I know I've lost it, lost it to a place I cannot reach. I guess I'm still waiting for my legs to stop shaking whenever I try to stand, for my voice to stop trembling as I cry out. Or maybe I'm waiting for time to stop, for the world to pause so that I can take a breath, or two, or maybe I'm waiting for this misery of existence, to wink out like a flame. Or maybe I'm waiting for a moment of relief, a moment of satisfaction, comfort, or some validation, but I know it's not going to come. It is hopeless. I guess I'm waiting, for a second chance I don't deserve, or some kindness I won't be able to return. Or maybe I'm waiting for the chance to leave, to escape this pain, to leave this silent tomb and vanish without a trace. Or maybe I wait, to see the end of all this, to see if there really is a light at the end of the tunnel. For all I know, this tunnel just goes deeper and deeper. Maybe I'm waiting for somewhere to rest this weight on my shoulders, on my chest, that makes it hard to breathe. Maybe I'm waiting for a way to let it all out, to let it free, free to consume me. It consumes me from within. This shadow that I've brought upon myself, maybe I'm waiting for it to swallow me whole until I am but a stain on the floor and a whisper among the trees of this abominable forest. I do not know if there is an end to this yearning, this anguish, but I still wait, so leave the door open.

Please leave the door open, for I'm still waiting. Still waiting, for this roaring fire to dull, for this storm to pass, for this tsunami to subside. Still waiting for this abominable fog to clear, for the dust to settle in this windless world. I'm still waiting, for the promised good life. Still waiting, for plants to sprout from the crevices of this broken soul. I'm still waiting for a gentle breeze, to dry these tears, for my yellow brick road, to tell me where to go. I'm still waiting, for the downpour, that will be my salvation and the flood that will be my penance. I'm still waiting, holding on to these broken shards, looking for meaning, trying to understand. I'm still waiting, for the ghosts of the past to stop haunting these ruins, for some silence to drown out their roaring. I'm still waiting to hear the end of this woeful tale, for this melancholy rhyme to echo its last note, and maybe at its end, get what I deserve. I'm still waiting, for music to pierce this numbness, for some colour to wash out these greys, for this inside-out world to make some sense. I idly turn the pages in this book of life, eyes unseeing and heart unfeeling, without realising that the pages are blank. I do not know how long this will continue, but I shall wait, even if it takes forever and ever more, so please, leave the door open.

Leave the door open, behind you as you leave, for I do not know where to go; I have nowhere left to go. Leave the door open, for I do not have anything else to ask for. I do not know what else to ask for or what else you can do. Leave the door open, don't stand in the way. There is not much I can claim credit for except for this void; I put myself here. It is futile to think of a world where things could be different, to dream of what could've been when it is already lost to the past, the past that led me here. I know I am on my own. So when you look at these cracked walls, these broken ruins, this clueless enigma, this forest of thorns, this half-decayed fossil, this hollow shell, this prison of ruin and destruction that I've become, and when you walk away, there is but one thing I ask of you- please, leave the door open, I'm still waiting for me.